Scenes from a Memory #4

I know I should dish these out sparingly...but this is one which needs to get out asap.

In 1998...during our heyday at Dal, a battle somehow began. I think it's genesis involved Gregg getting into some sort of grudge match with some of the Computer Science dept's finest. This e-mail exchange gradually evolved to include P Guy and I was CC'd on the list, which is how I was able to keep track of the whole ordeal. What follows is a transcript of most of the e-mails that were exchanged between the two groups. For your pleasure, I have highlighted what I feel are some of the choicest gems in the whole dialogue. It is lengthy, but damn funny. Enjoy.

Subject: CSEXCHANGE> Haiku?

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On Mon, 2 Nov 1998, Amit Bhatnagar wrote:
a) stop pretending to be a black rap star
What does being "black" have -anything- to do with
this comment? Do you wanna fight, pal?
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On Tue, 3 Nov 1998, Snoop Dogg wrote:
Thanks...I meant to address this little issue in my
letter, I have quite a few African American friends who would take offence
to Mr. Perry's little comment. I got your back on this one. Mr Perry could :
a) stop pretending to be a jackass oh shit..I'm sorry he's not pretending.
Snoop
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On Wed, 4 Nov 1998, Snoop Dogg wrote:
Guy,
I may be incorrect in saying this...but this may just have to go to punching stations. The Dogg.....
P.S. Abes...this guy has reached Wild Walkersmith's level
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On Wed, 4 Nov 1998, Jason Perry wrote:

Mr. Peet,
Go ahead and try to make a race issue out of this, but if you are
uncertain as to whether or not you really ARE a black rap star, YOU'RE
NOT. Snoop Doggy Dog can spell. And Amit, I wouldn't turn my back to someone like Mr. Peet,
judging by the vast insightfulness of his comments so far, it is entirely likely that you would find yourself, how shall we say, "highly compromised". Apparently he likes doggy style.
-JackAss out.
Oh, and BTW, I'm not a racist, and I'm NOT going to respond to anymore emails on this topic, because I think I've already made my point, and I might just end up saying something I'll regret.
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On Wed, 4 Nov 1998, Jason Perry wrote:
Hey guys,
This guy thinks he is going to start something....it's kind of funny really, cause I considered being scared until I remembered...he thinks he's a dog! Don't we just put those down? Yeah, I
thought so.
Jason Perry
WOOF!
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On Thu, 5 Nov 1998, DIEGO DIREMIGIO wrote:
Jason....graeme and I both got your back as well...
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On Thu, 5 Nov 1998, Chris Bailey wrote:
I got yer back Jason.
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On Thu, 5 Nov 1998, Snoop Dogg wrote:
What's with all this "I got your back" shit....hell if you want to bring
all your boys....go the fuck ahead. That will put you in a worse
situation then before. I don't want to deprive Dal of having any CS
graduates the year you are "supposed" to be finished. But have it your
way.....cause I guarantee my boys got way more game than yours. Perry you
little shit...you keep commenting on my Mom and I'll have to get outta bed
with yours and give you a bit of the "4-arm shiver". al'ight.
By the way this is the last time I am gonna reply your sorry ass, if you
have anymore to say....I'll be at JJ's Fri night.....bring all the
boys you like, hell I'll even get you in without cover.
Gregg
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On Thu, 5 Nov 1998, Chris Bailey (CS GEEK) wrote:
Hey guys maybe we should back off, he can get into JJ's without
paying, he must be REALLY big and strong! And he has game too! We better
just leave this alone or we will end up gettin a bit of the "4-arm shiver"!
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On Thu, 5 Nov 1998, Peter W. Guy wrote:
OK, OK. Sorry about about the delay. I haven't checked this account
in a while. The Dopolis told me last night that verbal wars had broken
out...in the CS department no less. When my laughter finally subdued, I was
able to check this account, and sure enough, it is on. Now, I don't have a
whole lot of time for this tomfoolery, so I just skimmed over the myriad
of messages. And now, for my gospel:
1. Some of the names on this list look familiar, in all likelihood,
former CS classmates, so if that is the case, don't take this the wrong way.
My comments are objective and not personal.
2. You guys are seriously wacked. Maybe you don't know who I am (I
wouldn't be surprised) and maybe you don't know who Gregg is, but
this definitely isn't a good idea (unless, of course you do have voice
recognition software, and having your fingers broken won't impede
with your ability to complete those pesky Dijkstra's algorithms).
3. Being skilled at multithreading in Java does not make you tough.
4. I don't know how this little forum got started, or even who is at
fault. But it seems that Team UNIX have opened a can of worms, by
attempting to associate race based on writing style. Anyway you try
and cut that, it is still prejudiced. In looking at some of the names on
the list, I'm surprised more of you aren't offended.
5. I gotta get back to work. But should anyone have any serious problems
with these comments, too bad. You must be used to being treated like
a baby child by now.
Now, I'd suggest that posses fall into line, before spines start
snapping, and I gotta cash in my airmiles.
Guy
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CS Geek: Hey, let's get one thing strait, Jason apologized for his remark. I am
not a racist, and I don't believe Jason is either. But if Snoopy wants
to make this more than just a nasty message forum, which he has suggested
a few times, and he cannot fight his own battles (i.e. he gets all of his
friends involved as he has also suggested), then I am gonna be behind
Jason. What is with this stereotypical view of CS majors? Do you think that
CS majors all have pocket protectors and buck teeth? Welcome to the 90's.
Team UNIX? Multithreading in Java? What the hell even brought those
up? And who are you implying is going to break our fingers? You? Snoop?
From what I have seen the only party that has a desire to bring this to a
physical level is Snoop and yourself.


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On Tue, 10 Nov 1998, Chris Bailey wrote:
Quite the hypocrite aren't you, when you yourself make judgements
about people you do not know. In fact I would say that since I have
never heard of either of you, nor have any attractive members of the opposite
sex, that you guys are in fact losers.
And Peter, I am quite aware of the arrangment. You on the bottom,
your mother on top.
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On Tue, 10 Nov 1998, Peter W. Guy wrote:
Well maybe, handsome, it would be a little wiser to figure out
just who we are before you start shooting your mouth off.
As I am sure you have read now, my name is Peter and I am a
friend of Gregg Peet's. I am one of the ones who are responsible for making
you look and your friends like a baby child, time, and time again.
In the future you should be aware of the arrangement...I talk
you. You listen. If you need more information on who we are, I'm sure you
can ask around. Unlike yourselves, we are not from Sprytown, and not
known for sporting gold necklaces, only dishing out Pearl ones. I will
leave the bragging to a minimum, because it doesn't become me. But if you
seriously don't know of us, then you had better start paying more
attention. The fact that noone I know has ever heard of you only verifies my
original hypothesis that you are a loser.
Again, I'm sure Sweat Dogg can arrange some introductions. In the
meantime, I'd reconsider calling strangers shithead. You can't
hide behind your IP address forever.
(I hope this is the last weak email I have to respond to)
Your God.
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On Tue, 10 Nov 1998, Peter W. Guy wrote:
Hey Mikey, I'll point him out to you. However it's not too
likely that you'll ever run into him, seeing as he prefers getting his
groove-on downtown to hanging in B507 or the Chase Basement.

MIKE (CS Geek) Wrote
Now who is this shit face? Somebody included me in this conversation
without letting me know who any of these dick sucks are.
Yes I am sure he is far to cool to be caught in a computer lab, it would
hurt his little grade 3 ego if somebody thought he was a geek.
So he is a downtown kinda guy eh? So we established right there he is one cool
mother fucker. Of course I already knew that, the name just gives it away
I have always wanted to call myself Snoop but just havn't been cool
enough.

Peter W. Guy wrote:
If you want to meet him, keep your four-eyes open for a 6 foot three
230 lb chap with short preppy hair, earrings, and the probably the newest
gear from Club Monaco (he's well known for lovin the Club). In all
likelihood he'll have a hotty mucking on to him too. Be sure to say hi!
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MIKE (CS Geek) Wrote:
Yeah okay bro, I'll keep all four of my eyes open just for you
okay? 6'3" 230lbs, and that's just his dick right?
New gear from club monico! Shit, man can you hook me up? Does
he have a big gold chain too? Come on, I know he has a big gold chain.
I just want to know because I am a Snopp wannabe, the more I know the
closer I can come to being as cool as him.
Shit I know him now. It's that personal ad in the coast I saw
last week. You just left out the seeking young boy for good ass fuck part.
That's alright though, I won't judge him, I may hurt his little "what
will they think of me" attitude.
Later pguy.
Your good buddy,
Mikey
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On Wed, 11 Nov 1998, Peter W. Guy wrote:
So that's all it's gonna be, huh guys. A few mother jokes, and some
simple allusions to indiscreet sexual scenerios involving me. How original. The
points that I was making were fact, and not heresay. Some of you I do
believe I do know, and the rest, by your emails fall into the same
group.
I realize this is a sore point for you, and I'm sorry to have to pour
salt in your wounds. Remember when you guys used to get beat up after
Chess club back in High School? Well things haven't changed. Now I'm sure
I'm gonna get a plethora of emails back stating how I'm stereotyping (Bailey
sure loves that word) CS students, but let's be honest with each
other. It IS the truth. Stereotypical? Yeah it is, but its guys like you who
start the stereotype.
But don't get me wrong, I don't have any intention of invading your world.
Live and let live, I always say. Sure, you guys are different. If it
weren't for you, the world would be a boring place.
The point I'm trying to make is that I think you should accept the fact
your different. Embrace it. Nobody ever said you were known for your
social skills did they? Hell I know it. You know it. Now deal with
it. You need to stop talking to me and my comrades with such angst. You are
trying to make fun of us with mother jokes. Arguments like that will never
have a winner. Then when I point out that you are computer geeks, you say
it's not true and that I must be a loser too because you don't know me
either. Of course you don't silly. You guys aren't known for your social
prowess, so naturally you wouldn't know me unless I was a regular in the CS
labs. If I don't know you, then you probably DO hang out in the CS labs.
And that is the key concept you need to grasp. Embrace your social
ineptness and the fact that you aren't on our level.
This email made every point that I needed to get out, so I will no
longer be responding to your momma jokes and name-calling.
Here is the bottom line:
My boys and I are smart, good looking, popular, and successful. You
guys are not, not, not, and not respectively. Now I suggest you open up MS
Word (or jove if you're on a UNIX box) and write a little story starting
with "What the fuck was I thinking?"
Cheers,
Guy