Monday, December 14, 2009

The Grandest Epiphany, pt 1: The Flickering Candle Gestured in a New Day (Skylight)


As I discussed with my good friend PGuy the other day, I had an epiphany last week. I was driving in my car with my ipod on shuffle, and a song by The Armada came on.

They are the new band by former Tea Party frontman Jeff Martin. When he disbanded the Tea Party a few years ago without notice to his bandmates, he released a solo album, and then realizing his mistake and bridges burned, put together a new band called Tha Armada, which is essentially The Tea Party with different people, making the exact same kind of music that he left the Tea Party to get away from.

Now, I have admittedly been a Tea Party fan over the years because of Jeff Martin's guitar work, but the epiphany was as follows: I can no longer stomach Jeff Martin's pseudo-gothic-incantation-lyrics and middle-eastern-blues infused musical masturbations.

"silence swimming in a pool of dreams, beneath its depths the forgotten streams above, the city of the evening star behind its walls, the grand bazaar, as she walks through its endless maze, cursing those who mistrust her ways, please my friend no matter what she sees tell my lover come back to me"

Umm...Jeff? You're from Windsor, Ontario, not Bangladesh or Islamabad. There are no bazaars, camels, purveryors of absinthe, witch doctors or dark forces. There's a homeless guy with a lazy eye panhandling to get some money for a bottle of Boone's. Write a song about that. Maybe the air smells like feces from the Detroit automakers...weave some magic.
The multitude of rare and exotic stringed instruments featured on your songs is tiring. As a young adult I was impressed by the ability to incorporate a 7-string egg slicer solo into a cheese grater ensemble, backed by Tibetan monks robe-muffled farts, but now...not so much.

I'm sorry...but I cannot take you seriously any longer. You have run your course. I am no longer a 22 year old university student trying to find meaning in your mystical meanderings.

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