Sidlers

I am easily amused, and often find myself laughing to myself in public at something which is totally ridiculous, whether it is a memory of some hijinx in the past or some peculiarity I have picked up in my surroundings.

In line at Starbucks today, and in my periphery I noticed something approach. 'Twas an old man trying to catch a closer look at the baked goods, more specifically, what seemed to be pumpkin spice muffins. I realized at this moment, how much I dislike sidlers...people with total disregard for personal space. This guy was inching so close to my bumper, it was making me uncomfortable. I was in between making my order and delivering a donkey kick to this guy's quads.

Which leads me to another story, which I never really gave adequate airtime to in a previous post.

When I was in NYC this summer visiting PGuy, on a night of informal pub crawling across Manhattan (and I mean across Manhattan, as Guy had me criss-crossing several city blocks on foot throughout the evening), we stopped into a dive bar. Immediately upon entry Guy shouts out for 2 PBRs (Pabst Blue Ribbon...when in Rome). We grab a stool at the bar next to a softball team who are sharing some duffs and pizza. Before either of us know, this guy who is totally soused sidles up to us. In fact, as Guy put it, I must have sensed the guy's sour breath whistling through my ears and nostrils as he sidled up to my blind spot. I turned and he was literally in my face. There was no opening, no introduction, just a slurred, "Is this Grand Funk Railroad?!" as he gestured half at the jukebox, half in the air. With a knowing glance, Guy and I were almost in stitches. I replied with a, "No man, I think it's Steppenwolf"...which was totally wrong, but I think I was thrown off my game by the abruptness of the sidling and the hops steaming out of his gullet. The guy continues to try to engage us in a drunken game of musical cat and mouse, which we didn't really play into, but he continued to sidle and slur regardless. The lowlight of this whole encounter was when he stealthily sidled up again and delivered a heartfelt rendition of "Good Day Sunshine" into my left ear...with just enough dissonance between his version and the original playing on the jukebox to disturb even the most tone deaf of individuals. His attempts to initiate a rousing sing-along fell short, as he continued to strain his vocals and no doubt, his bladder, as PGuy and I, exited stage left and headed off to our next venue.