Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

If this is true, then Goldfrapp has been getting some serious love. Did a quick google tonight to see if anyone else was picking up on the strong Goldfrapp-esque vibe of Christina Aguilera's latest track, which I keep hearing on the radio. Lo and behold, someone has already done the work for me:

http://berglovespizza.com/?p=48

Sidlers

I am easily amused, and often find myself laughing to myself in public at something which is totally ridiculous, whether it is a memory of some hijinx in the past or some peculiarity I have picked up in my surroundings.

In line at Starbucks today, and in my periphery I noticed something approach. 'Twas an old man trying to catch a closer look at the baked goods, more specifically, what seemed to be pumpkin spice muffins. I realized at this moment, how much I dislike sidlers...people with total disregard for personal space. This guy was inching so close to my bumper, it was making me uncomfortable. I was in between making my order and delivering a donkey kick to this guy's quads.

Which leads me to another story, which I never really gave adequate airtime to in a previous post.

When I was in NYC this summer visiting PGuy, on a night of informal pub crawling across Manhattan (and I mean across Manhattan, as Guy had me criss-crossing several city blocks on foot throughout the evening), we stopped into a dive bar. Immediately upon entry Guy shouts out for 2 PBRs (Pabst Blue Ribbon...when in Rome). We grab a stool at the bar next to a softball team who are sharing some duffs and pizza. Before either of us know, this guy who is totally soused sidles up to us. In fact, as Guy put it, I must have sensed the guy's sour breath whistling through my ears and nostrils as he sidled up to my blind spot. I turned and he was literally in my face. There was no opening, no introduction, just a slurred, "Is this Grand Funk Railroad?!" as he gestured half at the jukebox, half in the air. With a knowing glance, Guy and I were almost in stitches. I replied with a, "No man, I think it's Steppenwolf"...which was totally wrong, but I think I was thrown off my game by the abruptness of the sidling and the hops steaming out of his gullet. The guy continues to try to engage us in a drunken game of musical cat and mouse, which we didn't really play into, but he continued to sidle and slur regardless. The lowlight of this whole encounter was when he stealthily sidled up again and delivered a heartfelt rendition of "Good Day Sunshine" into my left ear...with just enough dissonance between his version and the original playing on the jukebox to disturb even the most tone deaf of individuals. His attempts to initiate a rousing sing-along fell short, as he continued to strain his vocals and no doubt, his bladder, as PGuy and I, exited stage left and headed off to our next venue.

So funny

This is the kind of shit that makes my day. I was at Chapters today having a coffee, and for some reason I decided to peruse a tattoo magazine, whose section happens to be right next to the music/recording mags I usually check out. Anyway, upon further investigation I saw this page, with the featured tattoos show in all their photographed glory. Two things I learned from this:

1. Tattoo magazine editors don't have an eye for detail.
2. People with tattoos should probably proofread it before they have it inked onto their bodies....especially when the one you have chosen makes such a bold and hilarious claim about yourself.



Wicked.

NYC Weekend

Hopped on the overnight Greyhound and spent the past weekend Chez PGuy in NYC. Despite a brief kick in the gonads by a virus/food poisoning/Cuban food, had a wicked time (even though I am still without my luggage from the return home....grrrrrr!)

Highlights:

- Awesome food
- Guy's neighborhood is amazing
- Rooftop party on 21 floor condo in Tribeca
- More laughs than you can shake a stick at
- Random dive bar, drunken patron's attempt to befriend us.

Lowlights:
- the oppressive heat/humidity
- walking way too damn much on Fri night
- Saturday afternoon/evening's illness (silver lining: shaking it off with a 3 hour nap and hitting the party anyway)
- waiting for Guy (ie. Guy on the phone, Guy getting a haircut, Guy getting a hot shave, etc)

Too much to see in 3 days. So a return trip is a definite. I certainly didn't take enough photos.

From Today's WTF? Files

I am a big fan of all things psych/neuro, particularly any of Oliver Sacks' novels regarding the peculiarities of syndromes caused by neurological damage. So, when I read the following in the news today, I just had to read on.

"Ontario woman gains East Coast accent following stroke"

"...Her new accent went unnoticed for some time by medical professionals, who thought she was from out east. Even Dore didn't realize her accent had changed."

One must wonder if at any point she cried out, "Jesus George [jarge], where's me fackin' smokes!?", said a prayer to Alexander Keiths, and immediately quit her job and went on pogey, to further pinpoint the diagnosis.

*Disclaimer: I am from the east coast and as such, it is entirely
within my rights to poke fun at my own heritage.

Bing Cherries and Billy Bob

Today was one of those weird days....

1. Was at the grocery store, and there was like a sale on Bing cherries or something, so there are like 5 or 6 people huddled around the display, groping the cherries [insert canned laughter here]. Anyway, there is a taller lady hunched over the cherries, picking through them like a primate picking nits off of another monkey's back. She was rifling through them, and stuffing like every third one into her mouth, with apparent total disregard for the pay-before-you eat code of the grocery store. I actually stopped to watch for a while.

2. Then...I am sitting outside of Chapters having a coffee and I swear to God, I look over and there is Billy Bob Thornton sitting across from me like two tables over. There had been a group of 3 people there waiting, with a laptop and a myriad of papers. When I first noticed him, I thought, "This guy looks strangely familiar and strangely out of place"...but couldn't place it. But the more I listened to keywords from their conversation "movies", "film tax credits", "x amount on the dollar for distribution", "tv series/movies", etc, the more it started to click. I finally went through my mental rolodex and figured out who it was (I am not a fan...except of his ex-wife A Jolie). Actually thought of striking up a conversation after his welcoming committee left, but what would I say? "Way to rail Angelina?". So, after a minute or so on his cell phone, he jumped in a Jag and away he went. Godspeed Billybob.

Guilty Pleasure

So, my buddy J and I discovered yesterday that we share a fondness for the band Paramore...which is a bit of a guilty pleasure that we both had a good laugh about. At 30-something, are we too old to enjoy the guitar driven pop/rock stylings of a group at least ten years our junior, fronted by a 20 year-old firecracker of a lead vocalist?





I had seen/heard of the band over the last year, but hadn't really paid much attention to any of their music. Then for some reason, I started to give it a closer listen, and I gotta tell ya, I love it. The catchy hooks, the driving guitar parts, etc.

Checked out some acoustic/live clips on Youtube or wherever, and was pleasantly surprised to see how well this girl's vocal chops hold up on their own. She's got a strong voice and makes it seem effortless. It's nice to hear, in a time when many bands sound great in the studio (thank you Pro Tools), but sound like your uncle's two octave flatulence on stage.

Top of the Muffin To Ya

Was driving around yesterday looking for some guitar strings (I had a destination in mind, I wasn't just hoping to find some on the side of the road)...when I spotted another one of my peeves, a store not-so-cleverly named in a pun-like fashion: Quilty Pleasures.

This practice has been so out-done, it drives me nuts. Often times, the connection is so stretched that you wonder why they would have even bothered. Nobody cares about how clever your name is. The hairstyling industry is a particular offender in this regard...things like The Hair Force, Hair Force One, Hair's To You [and possibly Mrs. Robinson], etc.

Try it...make up some of your own. Get a gov't grant and start that cleverly defined business. Here, I'll get you started [with 25% commission of course]. If I had time, I'd even Photoshop some logos for you.

• Beauty Call [aesthetics] *add "Late night" if you want to tap into that niche market.
• Yeast of Burden [bakery]
• Bandanarama [hair accessories + possible copyright infringement]
• Meat in the Middle [sandwich shop]
• Pole Position [gentleman's establishment]
• Holy Sheet! [bedding]

I could use this as a segue into crappy slogans, ie. Mike's Radiators "The Best Place to Take A Leak", but I'll leave that for another day.

Stick to What You Know

Every once in a while, we get a reminder about why celeberities should shut their gob, and stick to what they do best.

For example: "Usher blames lesbianism on lack of men"

And I quote: "As a man, you would respect me for not turning my back on it. ... It can never be bad to have a foundation as a man — a black man — in a time when women are dying for men. Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men. Are you not studying the stories? Wake up! Black love is a good thing."

Stop waxing philosophical and get back to scribbling some top notch lyrics like "I wanna make love in this club" on a cocktail napkin.

George Michael To Retire

In the news....

Don't worry....Guy is all over it.

Peeve #15.2

It's been a while since I have posted about life's little irritations such as sideways-hat wearers, douchebags, and people who rock the bluetooth headset with no valid reason (and god forbid those who fall into the majestic triad of all of the above).

And let's not forget the people who take the shopping carts home from the grocery store, God love 'em.

Adding to the list:

• people who read greeting cards outloud in the drug store aisle, and the chuckle to themselves outloud about how funny it is. "Hahahaha....oh that is funny!". Subtract another two points for making eye-contact in an effort to share this special moment.
• people who display a consistent pattern of spelling errors and misuse of homonyms and common confusables, including these repeat offenders: Caesar (ie. Cesar, Ceaser, Ceasar), your (ie. your so funny), loose (ie. i knew they would loose the hockey game!).
• tough guys. I mean people who put so much effort into trying to appear tough that it must be mentally and physically exhausting. The sullen look/clenched jaw, the sway and swagger while walking, arms upheld as if by some invisible soup cans. "I know it's 2:30 in the afternoon, and I'm walking down a residential street by myself....but man am I tough, and everyone needs to know it...look at me...how tough I am....ready to be tough with someone....like some urban commando...wow...this is a lot of work.... [for comedic effect, imagine the preceding dialogue as delivered by Stewie from Family Guy].

Useless Tip #1

Being a guitarist/musician....I am constantly listening to music. I am often trying to figure out guitar parts, etc, which are often buried deep in a mix...obscuring exactly what notes are being played, etc.

So, boys and girls, here is today's useless tip. Next time you are listening to your iPod or Sony Walkman (you know, the waterproof yellow one...with the Fresh Prince tape in it...) do this:

While listening to something, pull the headphone cable slightly out until you hear a separation of sorts in the audio tracks. It's a bit of a sweet spot...too little and it won't make a difference and too much and it will obviously come all the way out.

Anyway, this works better on some songs more than others and can often yield pretty interesting results...giving you a sense of what one or more of the tracks would have sounded on their own when recorded. For example, you might suddenly hear the sound of drums being recorded live off the floor, or the sound of the guitar isolated to one ear...complete with squeaking of fingers on the frets or the hum of the amp, or the track with only a hint of the vocals.

Try it. Good times.

Hell's Kitchen

OK. Guilty pleasure over the last few months has been watching Gordon Ramsey's culinary explosions on Kitchen Nightmare's and more recently, Hell's Kitchen.



Now, on Hell's Kitchen, there is a guy named Matt...who has some seriously bold eyebrows, which furrow like nobody's business. When he throws down a sour look, those bad boys square off at 45 degree angles like two black caterpillars. Anyway...the moment I first saw this guy, I could not help but notice the striking resemblance to a very obscure Simpsons character. I had to do some research to find out his actual name, but I knew he was the guy who occasionally comes into Springfield Elementary to lay down the law. Turns out his name is Leopold and he is the assistant to Superintendent Chalmers (or SuperNintendo Chalmers if you are Ralph).



Anyway...the pic of Matt doesn't entirely do the comparison justice, but here goes:















Of course, this all goes to show:

1. I have too much time on my hands.
2. I have watched too many Simpsons episodes.
3. The Simpsons play a very important role in our society.

In The Groove

Yesterday was an odd day.

So...we took our kid to the local arcade/indoor amusement area yesterday. As I walked around, I noticed a guy who appeared to be my age or older (30+), playing the dancing game "In The Groove 2, which is much like the uber-popular Dance Dance Revolution. Upon further investigation, I noticed this guy was sporting shorts and a t-shirt and runners, and had a visible ring of sweat on his shirt. During the entire 2 hours that we were there, this guy stopped playing the game only long enough to catch his breath and/or throw down the gauntlet with a competitor. Call me strange...but I found the whole scenario bizarre...a lone adult playing a dancing game in a children's arcade for hours on end, sweating profusely as he hammered out a myriad of quick steps in time to the the blur of moves on the screen. Unless he is in training for the next road show of Lord of The Dance...I find it to be.....er...strange.

Then at the grocery store, I spied some guy coming in wearing full horse riding gear....the little helmet, high boots, fitted pants, etc. I am just curious as to why he did not bother to remove the helmet...you know, leave it in the car maybe? Unless maybe the horse was strapped to the cart corral.