Scenes from a Memory: #2

OK..this one is from the Dal era, and took place in the SUB (Student Union Building) of course. Strangely enough, this is one scene that did not really directly or indirectly involve some tomfoolery by P Guy. However it did involve our good friend Kwabbo (don't spell that with a Q or he'll rip your teeth out).

Now, Kwabbo was always quite the character, fairly low-key in the obvious sense...but fackin hilarious in an under your breath kind of way most of the time. Whether it was the "cock your ballcap sideways to stare at chicks while you're studying" technique, pulling a junior Whopper randomly out of his pocket during class, or catching unsuspecting eyes with a display of hog under the table at the Killam library...Kwabbo was always up to something. But, funny thing...the most hilarious stuff found him.

So, we're sitting there one day, finishing up lunch I believe. In walks this Lebanese guy named "Rodney". This cat was always kicking it around the SUB...but today he had a problem. Seems he had a test or a major assignment or something due...and he needed a get out of jail card to get him off the hook fast. So, he pulls Kwabbo aside...some conversation ensues, and then the two of them disappear into the men's room for a minute (I know...this doesn't sound like a FUNNY story). All of us are left wondering..WTF are those two up to?

About 2 minutes later out they come...Rodney takes off and Kwabbo comes back to the table as if nothing were amiss.

So...what was the resolution to Rodney's problem? Well, he basically asked if Kwabbo could help him embellish a story that Rodney weaved about getting jumped, so at Rodney's request, Kwabbo followed him into the bathroom and pucnhed him square in the eye...giving him a nice shiner to back up his story. Now, I'm sorry, but I still find this fackin hilarious...I mean, it's one thing to string together some ridiculous excuse to get out of some school work...but there has GOT to be a better was than having KO (aka. Tuesday's child) drop a bomb on your face.

I Hate That Guy

Remember how annoying the bearded Canadian Tire guy was? Well, not to be outdone, Lilydale Chicken has their own breed of annoying commercial guy. You may have seen these Lilydale chicken ads on tv...you know the annoying guy with the French accent that is always cooking up some Lilydale? The thing is, not matter what he has been up to, he is always wearing his chef uniform. In one commercial, he just got back from watching the kids' big game, and he strolls in in his crisp white chef garb, throws on a dayglo orange ball cap and starts pulling out the cold cuts. This coupled with his enthusiasm for chicken in general, topped off with his annoying accent and his erudite kitchen mannerisms drive me bonkers.

Why is he always wearing his chef gear? Why don't they show him knocking boots with his wife in the boudoir, nakkid save for his lilydale coat...jumping out of bed to place two carefully placed fingers akimbo to a delicately staged platter of sliced chicken tits? "Mmmmmm, smell that Lilydale!". Now, that would be a commercial!

Scenes from a Memory - #1

From time to time I am treated to a quick flashback to one of the multitude of funny memories that riddle the last ten years of my life. Basically from the Dal Years forward (1993-present). Some of them are outright hilarious, or knotted together with inside jokes and vernacular which is unintelligible to the bystander....such as BoL, MiM, RTL, RCO, the Scorpion, Reggie's!!!!!, LoL (Louie on Lohnes), the PP, No Way!, DoD (Domes on Doors), re: the future, Making Magic, How do I hold it, etc...

Occasionally it happens to me that one of these funny tidbits occurs to me from out of nowhere, often at inappropriate times, maybe a staff meeting, maybe on the bus, wherever. I end up smirking like a cheshire cat...while everyone ponders my mental status. Imagine in the midst of a serious conversation, into your head pops the story about P Guy walking to work with his discman on as he imagines he is in a music video as he watches his own reflection in the windows as he walks by, stopping only to say a quick good morning to a squirrel.

Which brings me to today. I was looking for a quick cd to grab on the way to the car, and in my collection, I spied the N-Sync disc "No Strings Attached", which I picked up when I was living in North Carolina. I remember Guy telling me with no hesitation that I needed to pick up this disc stat! So, I sauntered down to the local purveyor of cds, and meekly looked around for this disc. Now, keep in mind that Chapel Hill, NC, was a hotbed of tight local music and creativity, so to be searching through this indie music store for N Sync was like wearing a "Honk if you love Boobies" t-shirt to an Ani DiFranco concert. So, finally finding the disc on the new releases shelf (indie stores gots bills ta pay too), I meekly went up to the guy at the counter, and frontloading my excuse, said, "Yeah, a friend of mine told me cd was really good, and that I have to get it...I don't normally listen to this stuff....etc". To which the cd guy says, "Mmmmhmmm, whatever you say buddy...."

So, as I listened to this disc on the way to work this morning...that's what I got. And also the association between the track, "Digital Getdown", and another little anecdote, which I will save for another day.

Got Time to Waste?

Check this flute/beatbox combo out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=59ZX5qdIEB0

Straight Up

OK...saw this quote from Paula Abdul this morning, re: the accusations and evidence indicating that she is a drunkard and cokehead.

That's nonsense, the 44-year-old "Idol" judge tells Us Weekly magazine in its Feb. 16 issue. "I've never been drunk. I have never done recreational drugs," she says. "Just look at my 20-year career. Tell me someone who is into partying or doing drugs that could have done that."

Yeah...real strong point Paula....hmmmmm, artists who have had 20 year careers while partying and doing drugs: The Rolling Stones to name but one?

And I wouldn't exactly say your career highlights point to abstinence from drugs, in fact, if I were you, I would be using it as an excuse. Have you seen your videos or listened to your music? And I wouldn't say your full 20 years was that strong...seriously, before you sucked...er lucked...your way into American Idol, what had you done for me lately?

Fact

My 4 year old has taking quite a liking to the Mini-Pops lately. She has been rocking their disc which features slightly off pitch renditions of such favourites as "Let's Get is Started", "Bad Day", and "Wake Up" by Hillary Duff. It occured to me today that there is no discernible difference between Mini-Pop Hillary Duff music and the original, in fact I am quite certain the track was simply inserted as-is into the compilation. "Hmmmmm...who can we get to cover this Hillary Duff song? We need someone who sounds 10, and is slightly off-key with no apparent vocal training....oh yes, Hillary Duff!".

Tight new Tracks

Now, I know PGuy will probably give me the gears for what is to follow, due to our well known differences in taste of music (Guy hates the electric guitar about as much as he hates cheese).

I cannot get enough of 2 new tracks, Fallout Boy's "This Ain't a Scene it's an Arms Race", and Finger Eleven's "Paralyzer". The latter being a bit of a departure from their usual heavy rock, and more of throwback to their days as the Rainbow Butt Monkeys. Get into it, you can hear the track streaming on their website.

Seriously

Call me a misanthrope, but some feckin' people get on my nerves. Why is it that on winter's snowy streets people, opt to walk down the middle of the road rather than on the nicely cleared sidewalk? This morning, I almost ran someone down (on purpose) for this very reason...walking straight down the middle of the street, back to me, while there was a perfectly good sidewalk just feet away.

Lazy people. Was at the grocery store the other day, and I find that someone has decided not to purchase their package of fish, but rather than returning it to the proper section, they leave it on top of a bag of sugar. I mean honestly, take your arse back to the fish section and put it back. "Nah, I don't think I really want this 4olb turkey, I'll just tuck it away here behind these Wheat Thins".

I so badly want to choke out my douchebag neighbours who keep bringing the shopping carts home from the grocery store and Zellers. Feck. There's always one parked out in front of their house, in between their broken screen door and the minefield of Rottweiler turds. They don't seem to have jobs, as they are home at any given point during the day, probably busy thinking of ways they can further reduce my property value. Our neighbours from France refer to this fine couple as "Les deschiens"...which I think, loosely translated means "douchebags".

Dane Cook

OK...I have been hearing about Dane Cook for well over a year....however...never really thought about given his comedy a listen. The other day I fired his 2 CD set "Retaliation" into my car, and have been pissing my pants in laughter ever since. His shiznit is hilarious. If you are looking for a great way to laugh through traffic or make a road trip even more hilarious, get into this.

Torture Anyone?

Saw this on the online version of the paper today:








Don't get me wrong....torture is nothing to laugh at, except for when some moron at the paper puts it in the Sports section.

Ha Ha Ha

As much as it would suck to be in this guy's shoes....you can't help but laugh at his stupidity, and lack of error-checking methods to prevent it from getting this far.

http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/12/29/germany.tourist.reut/index.html

Santa

Happy Holidays everyone! As a parent, aside from the typical joys of Christmas presents, rosy cheeks and hot chocolate at this time of year...it sure is nice to have Santa in your back pocket. In fact, one might even surmise that Santa was purely a product of parental control. However, you play the card...it has significant power. Kid not eating their broccoli? "I'm calling Santa". Problem solved. If only this power persisted throughout adulthood. Not getting enough action? "I'm calling Santa!".

Well, enjoy folks. It is a balmy 4 degrees here in O dot, and I just finished putting air in my daughter's bike tires...hard to believe for Dec 24th. It looks more like October.

Timbaland

Is it me..or does this cat have his hands in everything these days? Seems like everytime I turn on the tv, there he is..clapping his hands or holding it down for JT, Nelly Furtado, or a host of others. Don't get me wrong, this guy is a talented producer (n.b. My use of the word talent may be marred by previously associating the word with the not-so-power-group Wave about 5 years ago...we all make mistakes). Shouldn't we all have a little Timbaland time? I mean, who couldn't use some phat beats and comic relief at their next business meeting? "I'd like to share the projections for third quarter profits...." to which Timba pipes in with, "Take it to the chorus!". Everyone has a great laugh, someone pops the Cristal, and things progress from there.

This cat is everywhere...check out the photos above, from Guy-graduation and the 2006 Saranac trip.

Pffffffffffffffffffffft

One of the occupational hazards of working in education is in the invariability of occasionally walking into little bundles of flatulence that lurk around every corner, left there by the little cherubs with whom we work. Like a warm spot in a pool, they lay there...amorphous gas clouds...until "Pfffft". The kids leave to go home, you go to wipe the blackboard "Pfffft!"...You walk across the room to answer a question, "Pfffft!"..you turn to retreat: "Pfffffft!!!!!".

They are out there...everywhere and anywhere. Waiting. Smelling.

dooflacimehc

There is one person in the world who will find this funny:

http://www.scouter.com/archives/Scouts-L/199506/1265.asp


I've never tried the water rockets that have been posted, but we'd had
great success with YOP rockets. (YOP is a yogurt drink that comes in a
small plastic bottles with tight fitting caps). We've had a lot of fun
launching these rockets in our group. (Sorry Rod - these rockets aren't big
enough to tie cubs to!!!!)

How to Build and Launch a Yop-Rocket

To Build a rocket

1) Get a YOP bottle from the nearest store. (YOP is a yogurt drink and it
can be purchased almost everywhere you can buy yogurt)

2) Clean off all the labels and wash it out well

3) Decorate it anyway you want (put wings on it, colour the bottle, etc)

To Launch a rocket
NOTE: STAND BACK WHEN LAUNCHING THIS ROCKET - It goes up fast and strong

1) Put some vinegar into the bottle (About 1 1/2 to 2 inches is enough)

2) Wrap a tablespoon of baking soda inside a single sheet of toilet paper.
The rocket works better if you only use a single layer of toilet paper
(single ply)

3) Put the wrapped baking soda into the cap of the YOP bottle The wrapped
baking soda should be big enough to just fit inside the depression in the
lid.

***** Steps 4,5 and 6 have to be done quickly *****

4) Pop the cap back into the bottle The tighter the better. If the baking
soda is the proper size, it won't fall into the vinegar when you put the
cap down.

5) Put the bottle on the ground with the cap side down

6) STAND BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7) Clean up the remains of the toilet paper

How does it work?

The baking soda and the vinegar combine to form carbon-dioxide gas. This
gas builds pressure inside the YOP bottle until the seal on the cap can no
longer hold. At that time the cap pops off and the escaping carbon-dioxide
pushes the rocket up into the air.

Wrapping the baking soda in the toilet paper slows down the reaction
because the vinegar has to soak through the paper to get to the baking
soda. This gives you time to put the rocket down and stand back.

KAA (Gary Stedman), 75th Midnapore Scout Group, Calgary Alberta Canada

Wish List

I'm too lazy to figure out how to use the del.icio.us wishlist as P Guy did on his blog, so here's the gist of my holiday wishlist:

1. Debt relief. More money. A miracle. Something. This sucks.
2. A good pair of studio monitor speakers so I can start using Cubase and recording some music.
3. An electronic drum kit (a nice entry level Roland kit would be nice). Not really a drummer, but I would like to take it up, and it would help with #2 (above, not the #2 that refers to bathroom activity...although sitting on a drum stool could get things going I suppose).
4. A good quality instrument recording mic.
5. A bass guitar.
6. For all the children of the world to hold hands and sing in perfect harmony (to the tune of "It's Getting Hot in Herrrrrre").
7. Boxes of guitar strings.

I could go on....

Bluetooth

This has been in my thinkabouts for a while..but it's time to finally say it. I frikkin hate bluetooth cellphone headsets. Listen, if you are some high-powered exec jet-setting around the globe, I get it. But if you are some tubby, beef-jerky-buying 40-something with hightops and acid washed jeans at Costco on a Sunday afternoon...then I doubt anyone needs to get in touch with you that badly, let alone with something important enough that you needn't be entangled in a traditional earbud (not much better) or have one of your hands tied up holding the cell phone to your ear. Is it a repetitive strain injury from being so bizzay? "My doctor wrote me a prescription for Bluetooth because I have been getting a lot of calls from my shorties". I'm sorry, but you are not that important. Cell phones should be heard and not seen. So, stuff it in your pocket and trash the headgear, and why not the handsome leather cell holster on your belt. Seriously.

What Ever Happened to?

The man they called "Reveen"? Seriously, who doesn't remember the odd radio and tv ads for this weirdo "impossibilist", coming to a venue near you back in the 80's?

I just remember he always creeped me out. Maybe it was his dramatically intense glare, his velvet smoking jacket and scarf, or the rigid pompadour that adorned his skull.

A little web search did bring up the interesting similarity between Reveen and Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, as this has even apparently been a subplot line of the show. You decide...

Coughing, 2006-Style

Just saw a news report that put the kibosh on the standard "cover your mouth" when you cough. Apparently, the medical profession's new darling is coughing or sneezing into your sleeve, thus preventing the spread of germs via your hands. This included a hilarious clip of some chap walking towards the camera coughing away, and alternating coughs between each of his sleeves, but it ended up looking more like a classic bicep kiss. The possibilities are hilarious...not only will paisley print make a shocking comeback to mask our sleeves covered in phlegm and snot, but offices and workplaces around the world will be filled with whispers of narcissism as Steve stands by the water cooler, giving some love to his biceps.

Aziba 2: Electric Boogaloo

About a month ago, we got our daughter a female betta fish. However, she has been sluggish lately, and has developed some sort of wonky eye (technical fish-med term of course). So, sensing the inevitable, I decided to be proactive and replace the ailing Aziba, with a new and improved, albeit male, model (comma intended to diffuse any potential misunderstandings re: male model...he is a handsome fish, but not that handsome). So, rather than having my kid undergo the misfortune of finding Aziba teets up in the tank, I figured giving her the heave-ho would be a better option. So, in comes Aziba 2, and out goes Aziba..into the turlet. A had a few pangs of fishocide guilt as she swam around in the pisser, but it was short lived because before I knew it, she took it upon herself to swim down into the unknown, never turning back, not even to give me the one-fin salute. Godspeed Aziba.