Ye Olde Apothecary

I spent a solid hour and a half last night waiting at the pharmacy for a prescription. Don't get me wrong...I realize these guys/girls are slinging pills, and errors can be deadly, BUT, when your prescription comes packaged in a box, why the delay? Your neatly scrawled prescription says, "Give this guy months worth of these pills"...and the pills come in one month boxes..so, it seems like a matter of putting 2 boxes in a bag, double checking to make sure it's not horse tranquilizers, and away I should have gone. I would understand if it was the old days and the guy was breaking a sweat with his mortar and pestle, grinding me up some tiger scrote and eye of gnewt, but c'mon.

The extra time at the pharmacy had an added benefit of giving me some browsing of their wares. Of note:

- cartoon character "Arthur's" Vitamin C with Ester-C! All of his friend's bathed in a sickly orange hue, Arthur is now whoring himself out to Ester C.
- CHASER, anti-hangover pill. Instructions, take 2 pills with first drink and 2 pills every 3 hours while you continue to drink, to a maximum of 8 pills. OK...so 2 pills, + 2 more (3 hours have passed), + 2 more (6 hours have passed), + 2 more (8 hours have passed) = your daily ration of 8 pills. However, if you have been drinking nonstop for 8 hours, I don't think these little gems are going to help you. A Tranzene taper at your local hospital crisis unit might be a bit more fitting.
- WTF is up with red pens? Why is it that 2 red pens cost $1.29, but you can get 12 black/blue pens (with a bonus red) for $1.49? Is red ink that much more expensive, or is it just proof that your mistakes in life will cost you? "Well, I was going to mark these questions on your test wrong because you failed horribly, but things are tight these days and all I had was a blue pen, so A+!!! Good on you!"

Douchebags

Call it a talent, maybe a curse...but I can spot a douchebag from a mile away. I was walking my down the street today with my kid, and we passed this guy walking with a laughable strut that belied his ponderous nature. He's chugging away on a bottle of fruit juice, tipping his head back to get every last drop of it's sugary goodness. His man-boobs strained against the wafer-thin cotton of his white novelty t-shirt as he clutched a pack of smokes in his hand...heading home with his bounty of nicotine. I turned as he walked past, as I had a suspicion that this guy was a class act, and sure enough as he polished off his bottle of juice, he simply tossed it onto the grass and kept on walking.

This is the same type of character as the creeps that live two doors down, with their 3 Rottweilers, who track back from the grocery store with the cart and leave it parked in front of their house, only to later move it to the parking lot for someone else to deal with. Cripes. Seriously, take a few minutes out from yelling at your wife and delinquent kid to spend the $10 to get a little grocery cart. You may not own your house or care about the value of the property, but I own mine, and your southern-culture-on-the-skids lifestyle is bringing me down.

Where did the summer go?

Cripes...tomorrow is the first day of school. It was the summer that wasn't, really.

Happiness is....

No, it is not a warm puppy. I just had some time to kill downtown, so I went to Steve's music, which is like a candy store to me. I spent a good hour trying out some expensive guitars, etc. Sounds weird...but this is a rarity for me. I spent the majority of my free time as a teenager involved in music, so it is a bit nostalgic for me to hang out at a music store. Life's responsibilities take hold, so even a mundane event like buying new guitar strings and picks for the first time in a year is exciting. I have a few things on my wish list for when I finally get that permanent teaching gig (which = the money necessary to indulge my hobbies), so it was nice to check out the gear. I know P Guy is always on my case about getting my music going...but money and time seem to be continuous obstacles. On my list:

1. more guitars....you can never have enough. A nice Les Paul, a PRS, and an Ernie Ball AXIS would be nice.

2. A new amp. I have had the same amp nice I was 15...time for a change.

3. Electronic drumkit...these are awesome. Seriously.

4. Recording monitors for making music on my PC.

Since You've Been Blitzed

OK, OK...it's been a while since I had something to say, but check this:

Here's the scenario. There is a popular 80's metal cover band in LA called Metal Skool, which pokes fun at that era of music. Apparently, in attendance at one of their recent shows in LA, was the one and only Kelly Clarkson. She was hanging with the singer of Yellowcard, and more than a little lit up. Anyway...the band sees her in the audience and gets her and Yellowcard boy up on stage. Next thing you know, after several allusions to sexual acts involving her, she is chugging Chivas Regal from the bottle and belting out Sweet Child O' Mine. And thanks to modern technology, you too can witness this car wreck:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4sJMcgeDe0

Imogen Heap

Have been meaning to post about this for a few days. I love it when I serendipitously discover great new music. I was listening to galaxy digital cable radio last week when a track called "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap caught my attention. Beautiful harmonies, cool arrangement. I jotted it down for future listening. Anyway, the whole cd, called "Speak for Yourself" is fantastic! If you are going to give it a quick sampling, I would recommend you check out the track above, "Clear the Area" or "Headlock". This girl has got some great vocals, nice samples, and some tight tracks. I love it.

If you want to sample the cd...visit the album player:
http://www.imogenheapmedia.co.uk/audio/player/player.html

http://www.imogenheap.co.uk/

The Origin of the Species

If you have ever wondered where I got my tight dance moves, you may want to view this clip (and it is not the evolution of dance video that is making the rounds...this is strict b-boy style that you all know and love).

http://www.pistolwimp.com/media/48411/

Big Props

All my usual tomfoolery aside...it is time I give my boy P W Guysome serious props on his graduation from INSEAD in France. Despite his devil-may-care attitude and reckless disregard for norms of publicly appropriate behaviour (ie. "J'aime les Grecques!!!!!!")...Guy's ability to set his sights high, buckle down and hit the books always amazes me. By all accounts, this was a tough program to get into and an even tougher program to finish...especially given his penchant for duffs, sauce, grapes, ballyhoo, and even hullaballoo for that matter.


That said, I raise a glass to Guy. (Now give me some money, you soon-to-be-six-figure-making-bastard). I am looking forward to a position in Guy's company as the director of employee certifications, as I am not shy to get certified in a variety of useless skills.

Cheers,

Dopolis

What the hell....

What the hell is up with this...(note my lack of a question mark..as I am using a franco keyboard and it is driving me crazy)

From the CNN website:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/africa/07/07/cameroon.breastironing.reut/index.html

Worried that her daughters' budding breasts would expose them to the risk of sexual harassment and even rape, their mother Philomene Moungang started 'ironing' the girls' bosoms with a heated stone.

Vapid

I don't know if you have ever wasted seconds of your life actually attending to what Paris Hilton has to say about anything...but it just happened to me and all I can say is:



=

How's Your Day?

I thought I may have been on a roll...apparently not. After securing a great temporary teaching gig for next year at a great school, I got a call for a permanent teaching gig at another school...used my connections to up my chances...however, didn't get it. When 500+ apply for a job...it's like walking a tightrope with bomb on your back trying to be the person who gets it. Sad state of affairs, but true.

So, I just found out I didn't get it. Too bad. There is a bit of a dichotomy here...whereby you need experience to get the jobs, but you can't get consistent experience until somebody gives you a job...in the interim you are falling into financial ruin.

OH..and it's 7pm and I still can't pick up my kid from her daycare because someone on the street has barricaded himself inside while about a kazillion police officers and tactical officers surround the area. Good times. She doesn't mind though. Her words, "I'm watching MADAGASCAR!".

Perils of Children

You often hear parents talk about childproofing their house...making sure medicine is locked away in cabinets, sharp objects out of reach, pots and pans away from curious hands.

but...what about the perils that parents face in their domestic cohabitation with children? This is often portrayed as the skateboard at the bottom of the steps..but it is no laughing matter.

Living with an almost-4 year old...I gotta tell ya, it's a jungle out there. Kids have their stuff everywhere! This thought came to me as I walked past the dehumidifier this morning, and was almost pulled down by the curved handle of a Barbie stroller which conveniently tucked itself into my pocket as I strode by.

This is not the first time...life with kids is wrought with danger. Sharp toys thrown recklessly in your direction, random inadvertent punches in the sack, stickers stuck to everything, all the while Barney or some other children's cad drones away in the background.

It's tough out there...stick together.

We've All Got Stories

In the news this week: http://www.local6.com/news/9290536/detail.html, the headline reads:

Baby Born With Third Arm

SHANGHAI, China -- Doctors in Shanghai on Tuesday were considering surgery options for a 2-month-old boy names Jie-Jie born with an unusually well-formed third arm.

We all know someone who boasts about having a 3rd leg, so maybe he hasn't been lying all these years. Maybe Jie-Jie and the Blond Cobra have more in common than we would think!

Sarsely.

Home Depot

Was at Home Depot yesterday. Since buying a house two years ago, I have come to love this place and all things in it. It's like that primal male urge to build things (and fight, and have sex, etc...the latter two not-so-much welcomed at your friendly neighbourhood Home Depot). Bought some tiles for the front entrance, and some shite to help install the AC...the annual ritual I loathe. Can't stand it.

As I stood in line at the cash, I noticed the brightly coloured measuring tape that ran up the wall. This thing runs about 15 feet up the wall. Two theories, 1. this is used to measure oversize items and pieces of wood,etc. (insert P Guy joke about measuring wood here) OR 2. Home Depot has recently fallen prey to a string of robberies at the hands of a roving band of giants, and the strip is much like those seen at your convenience store to put a height ID on bandits on their way out the door.

It's gonna be another scorcher today...like 32 degrees. Good times.

David Lee Idiot

Not that many of us ever thought differently, but former Van Halen frontman/Howard-Stern-replacement, David Lee Roth is not that great with words. Saw an article in the news today, with DLR's insightful comments about the inevitability of a Van Halen reunion, including the following:

"To me, it's not rocket surgery. It's very simple to put together. And as far as hurt feelings and water under the dam, like what's-her-name says to what's-her-name at the end of the movie Chicago - 'So what? It's showbiz!' So I definitely see it happening."

1. Rocket surgery?! Yes, you're right it's not rocket surgery...because the occupation of Rocket Surgeon doesn't exist.

2. Water under the dam?! Argggggh. Moron. Dams restrict the movement of water, including the movement of water "under" them.

Sorry...but I have a hard time with misuse of idioms.

Ughhh

Have never had problems with allegies before. Today...I have been a sneezing runny- nosed bastard.

On the lighter side of things, I am happy to say that none of my friends have a mustache.

If they did...it might look something like this:

Sketchup

Google has launched a free Beta version of their Sketchup software, and it is pretty damn cool.

Google SketchUp (free) is an easy-to-learn 3D modeling program that enables you to explore the world in 3D. With just a few simple tools, you can create 3D models of houses, sheds, decks, home additions, woodworking projects - even space ships. And once you've built your models, you can place them in Google Earth, post them to the 3D Warehouse, or print hard copies.

And, to keep in line with my usual take on things, I wish to banish the following groups of individuals from my neighbourhood:

1. People with loud, obnoxious dogs.
2. People with #1, and loud obnoxious children.
3. People with #1 and #2, and loud obnoxious spouses.
4. People who take the shopping carts home from the grocery store.
5. People who walk their cats...on a leash...seriously.

Feck

Had the pleasure of having an Upper GI test this morning. Holy feck...here's the rundown.

1. Drink two huge glasses of barium sulfate (read: two big glasses of a foamy mess with the consistency and nutritional value of drywall paste)
2. Resist the urge to vomit.
3. Proudly display two empty cups, then proceed to crush them on my forehead, while shouting "Woot! Woot!", "Boo-ya!" and so forth.
4. Wait 20 mins, catch up on Sambora/Locklear/Sheen/Richards divorce tomfoolery.
5. Sport a fancy gown and socks.
6. X-ray
7. More reading.
8. Enter the "robot" room, where I laid on a table under an enormous Transformer/Armatron controlled by the doc. He remotely controls this device to press me into the table.
9. Magically, the table stands up with me on it.
10. Eat some magic crystals and a shot of water, chased by another half glass of plaster of Paris.
10. And so forth....ad nauseum (quite literally)

Good times, good times.

The Bubble Boy

David Blaine "Street Magic" = impressive.

David Blaine "Bubble Boy" = not so cool.

Just caught the last 5 minutes of the much-hyped latest David Blaine spectacle. So, he spends 177 hours in a bubble of water, causing his skin to peel, and voiding his body of its waste through a tube - all for public consumption for those gathered around his oversized Christmas ball which has been home for the last few days.

Then! He gets chained up and attempts to set the world record for holding your breath underwater. The time to beat was 8:58, he got to about 7 mins before he started to flail around like a dying fish...divers jump in, pull him out..doctor comes to the rescue. Meanwhile, the narrator is making Blaine out to be a "hero", for this little piece of "history". Come on...give me a feckin break. He grabs the mike, starts babbling like a baby, crying, thanking everyone for their support. Sad sad sad. Really. Then he is whisked away, probably to his waiting pile of money and hookers from CBS for the ratings pull. But not before the voice-over guy makes some more allusions to Blaine's spectacular strength as compared to astronauts...who can't even walk when they return from space. For shame!

This is Spinal Tap?

Strange but true...for Simpsons and/or Spinal Tap fans.

Did you know that Harry Shearer, who voices Mr. Burns, Smithers, Principal Skinner and a slew of others...is in fact the same person who played Derek Smalls in Spinal Tap?

Strange indeed.