Bing Cherries and Billy Bob

Today was one of those weird days....

1. Was at the grocery store, and there was like a sale on Bing cherries or something, so there are like 5 or 6 people huddled around the display, groping the cherries [insert canned laughter here]. Anyway, there is a taller lady hunched over the cherries, picking through them like a primate picking nits off of another monkey's back. She was rifling through them, and stuffing like every third one into her mouth, with apparent total disregard for the pay-before-you eat code of the grocery store. I actually stopped to watch for a while.

2. Then...I am sitting outside of Chapters having a coffee and I swear to God, I look over and there is Billy Bob Thornton sitting across from me like two tables over. There had been a group of 3 people there waiting, with a laptop and a myriad of papers. When I first noticed him, I thought, "This guy looks strangely familiar and strangely out of place"...but couldn't place it. But the more I listened to keywords from their conversation "movies", "film tax credits", "x amount on the dollar for distribution", "tv series/movies", etc, the more it started to click. I finally went through my mental rolodex and figured out who it was (I am not a fan...except of his ex-wife A Jolie). Actually thought of striking up a conversation after his welcoming committee left, but what would I say? "Way to rail Angelina?". So, after a minute or so on his cell phone, he jumped in a Jag and away he went. Godspeed Billybob.

Guilty Pleasure

So, my buddy J and I discovered yesterday that we share a fondness for the band Paramore...which is a bit of a guilty pleasure that we both had a good laugh about. At 30-something, are we too old to enjoy the guitar driven pop/rock stylings of a group at least ten years our junior, fronted by a 20 year-old firecracker of a lead vocalist?





I had seen/heard of the band over the last year, but hadn't really paid much attention to any of their music. Then for some reason, I started to give it a closer listen, and I gotta tell ya, I love it. The catchy hooks, the driving guitar parts, etc.

Checked out some acoustic/live clips on Youtube or wherever, and was pleasantly surprised to see how well this girl's vocal chops hold up on their own. She's got a strong voice and makes it seem effortless. It's nice to hear, in a time when many bands sound great in the studio (thank you Pro Tools), but sound like your uncle's two octave flatulence on stage.

Top of the Muffin To Ya

Was driving around yesterday looking for some guitar strings (I had a destination in mind, I wasn't just hoping to find some on the side of the road)...when I spotted another one of my peeves, a store not-so-cleverly named in a pun-like fashion: Quilty Pleasures.

This practice has been so out-done, it drives me nuts. Often times, the connection is so stretched that you wonder why they would have even bothered. Nobody cares about how clever your name is. The hairstyling industry is a particular offender in this regard...things like The Hair Force, Hair Force One, Hair's To You [and possibly Mrs. Robinson], etc.

Try it...make up some of your own. Get a gov't grant and start that cleverly defined business. Here, I'll get you started [with 25% commission of course]. If I had time, I'd even Photoshop some logos for you.

• Beauty Call [aesthetics] *add "Late night" if you want to tap into that niche market.
• Yeast of Burden [bakery]
• Bandanarama [hair accessories + possible copyright infringement]
• Meat in the Middle [sandwich shop]
• Pole Position [gentleman's establishment]
• Holy Sheet! [bedding]

I could use this as a segue into crappy slogans, ie. Mike's Radiators "The Best Place to Take A Leak", but I'll leave that for another day.

Stick to What You Know

Every once in a while, we get a reminder about why celeberities should shut their gob, and stick to what they do best.

For example: "Usher blames lesbianism on lack of men"

And I quote: "As a man, you would respect me for not turning my back on it. ... It can never be bad to have a foundation as a man — a black man — in a time when women are dying for men. Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men. Are you not studying the stories? Wake up! Black love is a good thing."

Stop waxing philosophical and get back to scribbling some top notch lyrics like "I wanna make love in this club" on a cocktail napkin.

George Michael To Retire

In the news....

Don't worry....Guy is all over it.

Peeve #15.2

It's been a while since I have posted about life's little irritations such as sideways-hat wearers, douchebags, and people who rock the bluetooth headset with no valid reason (and god forbid those who fall into the majestic triad of all of the above).

And let's not forget the people who take the shopping carts home from the grocery store, God love 'em.

Adding to the list:

• people who read greeting cards outloud in the drug store aisle, and the chuckle to themselves outloud about how funny it is. "Hahahaha....oh that is funny!". Subtract another two points for making eye-contact in an effort to share this special moment.
• people who display a consistent pattern of spelling errors and misuse of homonyms and common confusables, including these repeat offenders: Caesar (ie. Cesar, Ceaser, Ceasar), your (ie. your so funny), loose (ie. i knew they would loose the hockey game!).
• tough guys. I mean people who put so much effort into trying to appear tough that it must be mentally and physically exhausting. The sullen look/clenched jaw, the sway and swagger while walking, arms upheld as if by some invisible soup cans. "I know it's 2:30 in the afternoon, and I'm walking down a residential street by myself....but man am I tough, and everyone needs to know it...look at me...how tough I am....ready to be tough with someone....like some urban commando...wow...this is a lot of work.... [for comedic effect, imagine the preceding dialogue as delivered by Stewie from Family Guy].