Sunday, March 25, 2007

You are What You Post


So..I recently joined Facebook....which has been pretty cool. Lots of catching up with old friends, etc. However, one of the things I have found to be hilarious is the number of people who use ridiculous pictures of themselves as their profile pic. Girls leaning over, for a down the shirt shot, or Brutus the Barber Beefcakes like this guy. I mean..seriously? It's great to be in shape and all...but is this your resume for the online community?
"Uh....hi...my name is Jim..and uh...I'm so huge, I was trying to take off this shirt and it got caught on my pecs and slingshotted right around my neck [either that or he got confused with how to put it on]. I almost blew a delt!! Hahahaha. I'd wave to you but my arms have the range of motion of an early 80's GI Joe figure. If you're wondering where those soup cans disappeared to...they're under my pits, helping to keep my arms up. Thank god I have this rope on my neon orange shorts to keep me tethered to the ground!"

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

RIP: Bud Melman



Apparently, David Letterman regular fixture Bud Melman died today.

Dal folks, you may remember Bud Melman from his stint selling personal pizzas at the Pizza Hut in the DAL SUB. I don't know what kind of pull Peter Guy had with Bud, but he sure got a lot of free pizzas.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Scenes from a Memory: #2

OK..this one is from the Dal era, and took place in the SUB (Student Union Building) of course. Strangely enough, this is one scene that did not really directly or indirectly involve some tomfoolery by P Guy. However it did involve our good friend Kwabbo (don't spell that with a Q or he'll rip your teeth out).

Now, Kwabbo was always quite the character, fairly low-key in the obvious sense...but fackin hilarious in an under your breath kind of way most of the time. Whether it was the "cock your ballcap sideways to stare at chicks while you're studying" technique, pulling a junior Whopper randomly out of his pocket during class, or catching unsuspecting eyes with a display of hog under the table at the Killam library...Kwabbo was always up to something. But, funny thing...the most hilarious stuff found him.

So, we're sitting there one day, finishing up lunch I believe. In walks this Lebanese guy named "Rodney". This cat was always kicking it around the SUB...but today he had a problem. Seems he had a test or a major assignment or something due...and he needed a get out of jail card to get him off the hook fast. So, he pulls Kwabbo aside...some conversation ensues, and then the two of them disappear into the men's room for a minute (I know...this doesn't sound like a FUNNY story). All of us are left wondering..WTF are those two up to?

About 2 minutes later out they come...Rodney takes off and Kwabbo comes back to the table as if nothing were amiss.

So...what was the resolution to Rodney's problem? Well, he basically asked if Kwabbo could help him embellish a story that Rodney weaved about getting jumped, so at Rodney's request, Kwabbo followed him into the bathroom and pucnhed him square in the eye...giving him a nice shiner to back up his story. Now, I'm sorry, but I still find this fackin hilarious...I mean, it's one thing to string together some ridiculous excuse to get out of some school work...but there has GOT to be a better was than having KO (aka. Tuesday's child) drop a bomb on your face.

Friday, March 16, 2007

I Hate That Guy

Remember how annoying the bearded Canadian Tire guy was? Well, not to be outdone, Lilydale Chicken has their own breed of annoying commercial guy. You may have seen these Lilydale chicken ads on tv...you know the annoying guy with the French accent that is always cooking up some Lilydale? The thing is, not matter what he has been up to, he is always wearing his chef uniform. In one commercial, he just got back from watching the kids' big game, and he strolls in in his crisp white chef garb, throws on a dayglo orange ball cap and starts pulling out the cold cuts. This coupled with his enthusiasm for chicken in general, topped off with his annoying accent and his erudite kitchen mannerisms drive me bonkers.

Why is he always wearing his chef gear? Why don't they show him knocking boots with his wife in the boudoir, nakkid save for his lilydale coat...jumping out of bed to place two carefully placed fingers akimbo to a delicately staged platter of sliced chicken tits? "Mmmmmm, smell that Lilydale!". Now, that would be a commercial!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Scenes from a Memory - #1

From time to time I am treated to a quick flashback to one of the multitude of funny memories that riddle the last ten years of my life. Basically from the Dal Years forward (1993-present). Some of them are outright hilarious, or knotted together with inside jokes and vernacular which is unintelligible to the bystander....such as BoL, MiM, RTL, RCO, the Scorpion, Reggie's!!!!!, LoL (Louie on Lohnes), the PP, No Way!, DoD (Domes on Doors), re: the future, Making Magic, How do I hold it, etc...

Occasionally it happens to me that one of these funny tidbits occurs to me from out of nowhere, often at inappropriate times, maybe a staff meeting, maybe on the bus, wherever. I end up smirking like a cheshire cat...while everyone ponders my mental status. Imagine in the midst of a serious conversation, into your head pops the story about P Guy walking to work with his discman on as he imagines he is in a music video as he watches his own reflection in the windows as he walks by, stopping only to say a quick good morning to a squirrel.

Which brings me to today. I was looking for a quick cd to grab on the way to the car, and in my collection, I spied the N-Sync disc "No Strings Attached", which I picked up when I was living in North Carolina. I remember Guy telling me with no hesitation that I needed to pick up this disc stat! So, I sauntered down to the local purveyor of cds, and meekly looked around for this disc. Now, keep in mind that Chapel Hill, NC, was a hotbed of tight local music and creativity, so to be searching through this indie music store for N Sync was like wearing a "Honk if you love Boobies" t-shirt to an Ani DiFranco concert. So, finally finding the disc on the new releases shelf (indie stores gots bills ta pay too), I meekly went up to the guy at the counter, and frontloading my excuse, said, "Yeah, a friend of mine told me cd was really good, and that I have to get it...I don't normally listen to this stuff....etc". To which the cd guy says, "Mmmmhmmm, whatever you say buddy...."

So, as I listened to this disc on the way to work this morning...that's what I got. And also the association between the track, "Digital Getdown", and another little anecdote, which I will save for another day.