Home Depot

Was at Home Depot yesterday. Since buying a house two years ago, I have come to love this place and all things in it. It's like that primal male urge to build things (and fight, and have sex, etc...the latter two not-so-much welcomed at your friendly neighbourhood Home Depot). Bought some tiles for the front entrance, and some shite to help install the AC...the annual ritual I loathe. Can't stand it.

As I stood in line at the cash, I noticed the brightly coloured measuring tape that ran up the wall. This thing runs about 15 feet up the wall. Two theories, 1. this is used to measure oversize items and pieces of wood,etc. (insert P Guy joke about measuring wood here) OR 2. Home Depot has recently fallen prey to a string of robberies at the hands of a roving band of giants, and the strip is much like those seen at your convenience store to put a height ID on bandits on their way out the door.

It's gonna be another scorcher today...like 32 degrees. Good times.

David Lee Idiot

Not that many of us ever thought differently, but former Van Halen frontman/Howard-Stern-replacement, David Lee Roth is not that great with words. Saw an article in the news today, with DLR's insightful comments about the inevitability of a Van Halen reunion, including the following:

"To me, it's not rocket surgery. It's very simple to put together. And as far as hurt feelings and water under the dam, like what's-her-name says to what's-her-name at the end of the movie Chicago - 'So what? It's showbiz!' So I definitely see it happening."

1. Rocket surgery?! Yes, you're right it's not rocket surgery...because the occupation of Rocket Surgeon doesn't exist.

2. Water under the dam?! Argggggh. Moron. Dams restrict the movement of water, including the movement of water "under" them.

Sorry...but I have a hard time with misuse of idioms.

Ughhh

Have never had problems with allegies before. Today...I have been a sneezing runny- nosed bastard.

On the lighter side of things, I am happy to say that none of my friends have a mustache.

If they did...it might look something like this:

Sketchup

Google has launched a free Beta version of their Sketchup software, and it is pretty damn cool.

Google SketchUp (free) is an easy-to-learn 3D modeling program that enables you to explore the world in 3D. With just a few simple tools, you can create 3D models of houses, sheds, decks, home additions, woodworking projects - even space ships. And once you've built your models, you can place them in Google Earth, post them to the 3D Warehouse, or print hard copies.

And, to keep in line with my usual take on things, I wish to banish the following groups of individuals from my neighbourhood:

1. People with loud, obnoxious dogs.
2. People with #1, and loud obnoxious children.
3. People with #1 and #2, and loud obnoxious spouses.
4. People who take the shopping carts home from the grocery store.
5. People who walk their cats...on a leash...seriously.

Feck

Had the pleasure of having an Upper GI test this morning. Holy feck...here's the rundown.

1. Drink two huge glasses of barium sulfate (read: two big glasses of a foamy mess with the consistency and nutritional value of drywall paste)
2. Resist the urge to vomit.
3. Proudly display two empty cups, then proceed to crush them on my forehead, while shouting "Woot! Woot!", "Boo-ya!" and so forth.
4. Wait 20 mins, catch up on Sambora/Locklear/Sheen/Richards divorce tomfoolery.
5. Sport a fancy gown and socks.
6. X-ray
7. More reading.
8. Enter the "robot" room, where I laid on a table under an enormous Transformer/Armatron controlled by the doc. He remotely controls this device to press me into the table.
9. Magically, the table stands up with me on it.
10. Eat some magic crystals and a shot of water, chased by another half glass of plaster of Paris.
10. And so forth....ad nauseum (quite literally)

Good times, good times.

The Bubble Boy

David Blaine "Street Magic" = impressive.

David Blaine "Bubble Boy" = not so cool.

Just caught the last 5 minutes of the much-hyped latest David Blaine spectacle. So, he spends 177 hours in a bubble of water, causing his skin to peel, and voiding his body of its waste through a tube - all for public consumption for those gathered around his oversized Christmas ball which has been home for the last few days.

Then! He gets chained up and attempts to set the world record for holding your breath underwater. The time to beat was 8:58, he got to about 7 mins before he started to flail around like a dying fish...divers jump in, pull him out..doctor comes to the rescue. Meanwhile, the narrator is making Blaine out to be a "hero", for this little piece of "history". Come on...give me a feckin break. He grabs the mike, starts babbling like a baby, crying, thanking everyone for their support. Sad sad sad. Really. Then he is whisked away, probably to his waiting pile of money and hookers from CBS for the ratings pull. But not before the voice-over guy makes some more allusions to Blaine's spectacular strength as compared to astronauts...who can't even walk when they return from space. For shame!

This is Spinal Tap?

Strange but true...for Simpsons and/or Spinal Tap fans.

Did you know that Harry Shearer, who voices Mr. Burns, Smithers, Principal Skinner and a slew of others...is in fact the same person who played Derek Smalls in Spinal Tap?

Strange indeed.